I watched "What to Expect When You're Expecting" tonight.  Instead of laughing and thinking pregnancy is absolutely hilarious, why on earth would anybody do that...I bawled on the couch.  It's not happening for us.  I know that God has a plan and everyone keeps saying "it'll happen when the time is right."  I just don't know when it will ever be the right time.  What if the "right time" doesn't ever come for us?  I have to remember that there is hope and One who continues to give me hope.  Time to lay my head down, lift my hands, pray...and continue to hope.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=He3qmXo0oww

"You're Not Alone" by Meredith Andrews

I've felt alone for a while, despite being married, despite being in Bible study, despite being on the worship team, despite being surrounded by people all the time...I could go on and on about the reasons I shouldn't feel alone, but I do. I also feel like I've been walking in a valley for a long time. My shoes are worn out, my feet are tired, and I don't know how to keep going forward - only that I have to.

On top of all the "feelings," I just found out that I have Hashimoto's Syndrome, an autoimmune disease that could eventually destroy my thyroid. Great...my diabetes is in check but now I have this, too? Really? My husband is still looking for a job, after months and months of applications, interviews, and searching. Really? We just put our house on the market, despite trying to modify the loan for the past 15 months. Really? Yeah, really.

While none of these things have happened all at once, it can be pretty overwhelming. My source of comfort through all this is that God knows exactly what is going on and what I need in the midst of trials. I know from His Word that He won't just release me from these things because I want to be in a happier/better/not-so-depressing state. God doesn't normally work that way. BUT He gives me the hope of knowing He is there in the midst of it all, pulling me up and encouraging me.

I love this Meredith Andrews' song. Whenever I hear it, I feel better...I'm not alone.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8FXLo3aCkuQ

"Into the West"

This song is best known as being from the "Lord of the Rings" trilogy. I love the calm and quiet start followed by the chorus, giving rise to the rest of the piece. The lyrics bring strong emotions to the surface every time I hear them...it makes me think of the people I have lost and those I wished I could have met. At the same time, I'm comforted by the lullaby feeling and knowing there is hope in the midst of mourning. Mourning for the end of a life. The end of a job. The end of a chapter that seems unfinished.

My thoughts take a different direction from the lyrics. While the song seems to be comforting and assuring that it will all be okay in the end, I wonder about what we're supposed to do in the meantime, when it's not the end. There is a reason that the Bible says "Hope deferred makes the heart sick but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life." While we can continue to hope and continue to dream, what good does it do if there are never any results? I've really been having a hard time with the fact that my husband hasn't had a job in over 20 months; my family lives over 400 miles away and I'm lonely; I'm stuck in a dead-end job that I wish I could leave. But you know what? In the midst of all of that, I still have hope. I pray that this season will come to an end and we'll be able to move past the hurts and judgments of the past and move "into the west" for a new dawn in our life. Sigh...this was so not how I intended this post to go so I'm going to stop here. Hope you enjoy the music.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgcoBKWTW14

"Defying Gravity" by Glee or the Wicked Cast...they're both good

Wow! Time sure flies! I've been meaning to write for such a long time but kept getting distracted...guess that's obvious when you look at the post dates. Anyway, I'm going to try to be more consistent in posting - I still love music and still love to write so it's a win-win situation. At least, it is for me. ;)

My newest favorite song is "Defying Gravity." I first heard it on "Glee" but I love all the versions out there. There's something internally satisfying about trying something that people say could never be done and succeeding at it! How often do I accept the limits, rules, policies, and procedures just because they exist? How many times have I had a great idea that I have talked myself out of because it just doesn't fit in or it's too over the top? ENOUGH TIMES. It's time to take a look at what I really want to do and do it. It's time to defy some gravity.

Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by the rules
Of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes: and leap!

It's time to try
Defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I am defying gravity
And you wont bring me down!

Listen to the "Glee" version here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6dBW4pViRTU

Okay...Yeah...It's really stuck

Have you ever had a song stuck in your head and you can't remember the song name or who sang it but you have a little piece of it rolling around and around and around? I'm totally there.

I can remember the first part of the chorus (I think...) and it goes "you make me happy, yeah, when I...." something, something, something. It's driving me crazy!!!! It's a pretty upbeat song and it had a female vocalist with a big voice. Let's see...that narrows it down to about a bizillion songs so, yeah. Time to keep looking.

The pathetic, puny piece of this song is going to continue to bounce around my brain until, at some strange moment, the fog will lift and I'll shout out the title like I've just discovered a gold mine in my bathroom. My guess is, 2 a.m. is going to be very interesting tomorrow.

"Hope Now" by Addison Road

Preface: This blog is a little different than my previous posts - I started this blog as part of an English class but I've missed writing since it ended. The focus is still the same but I'm going to explore the music I grew up with a little more...still hope you enjoy it. :-)

Take courage. Let yourself be helped. You will be carried - Someone is out there watching and waiting to pick you up.

Lately, I've just needed to hear that I'm okay from someone else. I spend so much time analyzing my actions and where I am versus who I want to be and where I should be. This song has lifted me up, not only with the feeling of being in good company when I'm a little lost, but also to remember that I've been carried by the Lord more often than not. I forget that so easily, especially when I'm in the midst of struggles and disappointment. It's all about hope...and faith...and being free. We are free when we trust in God. He is so much bigger than we are and we cannot forget that He knows the steps we take every single day. He also knows when we need to be carried.

I’m not my own
I’ve been carried by You
All my life

Everything rides on hope now
Everything rides on faith somehow
When the world has broken me down
Your love sets me free

"Lost" by Michael Buble

The jazz feel to this song makes me think that I could be in a little cafe somewhere hearing someone singing their heart out to their sweetheart. It starts out being a little bummed, thinking that everything is already gone but hoping that it's not too late to have what was there before. Put yourself in her shoes and let him sing this song to you. I can hear the sincerity in his voice to "fly, fly, fly away."

Music like this makes me reflect on things, yet again. I'll be celebrating my 5 year anniversary this fall. We've had our ups and downs but we're definitely not lost. Even if we get a little mixed up about the road we're on and where we need to be, we're still holding hands and we're lost together. When I think I'm crazy because nothing is working the way it's supposed to be , I have to just remember: I'm not lost.

'Cause you are not alone
I'm always there with you
And we'll get lost together
Till the light comes pouring through
'Cause when you feel like you're done
And the darkness has won
Babe, you're not lost
When your worlds crashing down
And you can't bear the thought
I said, babe, you're not lost